30 dates

I realize what I am about to say may sound slightly crazy.  I get it.  It is probably up there with moving to Nashville on the flip of a coin.  (Yes, I really did it.  I was in Huntsville and I couldn't decide between Nashville & Atlanta.  Nashville got heads because it was farther north and the rest has been history in the making.)  The idea started a few weeks back when Wes was introducing our Diagnosis Single series for our community group.

Now before I get too far into this, I should state that I am okay being single.  I would be lying if I tried to tell you that I don't want to be in a relationship, married or that I wouldn't love to be spending my days raising my own kids, of course I want those things.  It's just that I would much rather be single than be in a wrong relationship.  I've gone on a few dates here and there recently but nothing has come of any of it.  Mostly it boils down to the fact that I think I have a pretty great life with my work, friends, volunteer activities, church life and my family when I get to see them.  I want someone who I can enjoy those things with and who will enhance my life, but until that comes along I am good with what I've got.  Ok, I wish I had a little more energy for my life after all the effort I put into my boss's lives, but I'm working on carving out more time for myself.  I have made great strides at telling them no, especially when I have plans!

Anyway, back to the point.  I started really thinking about this project when Wes asked us what our relationship with God would look like if we put as much time and effort into it as we do into the pursuit of not being single.  Since I am not out desperately seeking a relationship at all costs but instead try to take them as they come up and let things develop naturally, I wouldn't say I'm putting a ton of effort in there.  I put effort into dating the guy, but I'm not into running trough all guys I meet as a possible relationship .  It still got me thinking about pursuing God and trying to build that excitement that you usually have at the begining of a relationship.  You know that phase where you could spend four hours on the phone and still have a million things you want to talk about five minutes after hanging up, when you can't wait to see them and get giddy with excitement any time to have time to spend together.  So I've decided to go on a month of dates with God.

Yep, you read that right.  I am going to date God.  For a month.

Well sort of.

I am going to make a list of 30 dates I would enjoy.  Be it Cheekwood, dinner out somewhere, a walk at warner park, I'm not sure yet what they'll all be, but I intend to start out with Coffee much like I would with a guy I was getting to know and then try to progress as naturally as possible.  For some of the dates I'll bring my Bible and study what he has to say, for others I may just soak up His glorious creation and chat with him in my head.  I honestly have no idea how all of this will play out, but I know that God has been nudging my heart in this direction and I trust that he has some plans of his own for this.  I will put as much effort into getting ready for our time together as I would any other date and I will offer God the same courtesies (phone off, clearing schedule, etc) as I would were I on a date with someone.  I will be as intentional in my commitment to God for these 30 dates as I always am.

At first, I had thought I would take a month and do something each night, but I quickly realized that it wouldn't be the same.  I want this to have the same depth and breadth as a new relationship would in my life because never before have I pursued God in this manner.   I have gone through phases of reading my Bible a lot or studying with daily devotionals, I have been intentional in my prayers,  I have journaled prayers and I have read books to help my spiritual growth.  I have sought God as my Father, Protector, Healer, Friend, Guide and so much more but I have never sought to put the energy into creating more of a relationship with him that has this type of intimacy to it.

Casper

Tomorrow (Monday) is the anniversary of my Grandpa Casper's passing.  Considering how poorly I deal with loss in my life, I don't really find it amusing that my two Grandfathers I knew bookended my Birthday with their deaths.  It has really forced me to reflect and appreciate my life in a wholly new way than I did before their passings.  Tonight, I still don't want to reflect too much on how much I miss him, but more on what an incredible man he was.  

He met my Grandma Casper when they were in High School Together.  They dated his whole senior year and then he enlisted in the Navy.  After basic training, he proposed.  He was at Pearl Harbor and served in WWII and they didn't get married until he returned from the war.  Within a year of marrying Grandma, her half brother came to live with them because her father's second wife had passed and he was so lost in his grief he couldn't raise my Uncle Arnie.  A year after that Grandpa's older sister Ruth and her husband Kenneth died in a plan crash leaving 4 children orphaned.  There was a bit of a tussle in the family over custody, some wanted the older kids, some wanted the 3 girls, some wanted only the boy... after about a year of this my Grandpa and Grandma stepped up and said they would take all four kids in.  This is how they became to be my Grandparents, because my mom was only one when her parents died.

I am not sure 3 years into a marriage, with a toddler of your own and expecting your second child that most people would take on 5 kids that weren't their own, but my Grandpa did.  It was important to him that his nieces and nephew not be separated, he felt they had already lost enough.  He also felt badly that the older kids were going to have to switch houses and schools so he quit attending the Catholic church with is wife and children so that my mom and her siblings could continue to grow up in the Lutheran church their parents had attended.  When my Aunt Karen developed cancer, Grandpa never once thought about seeing if someone else could take on the "adopted" kids so he could focus on his birth daughter.  They were all 7 his kids and they were all raised as siblings.  Sure, everyone knew the family history and that Grandpa was their uncle not their father, but he was their Dad.

He had ice cream pants... they were these awful brown pants and it was almost embarrassing to be seen in public with him when he wore them, but you knew if Grandpa had them on, you were stopping for ice cream at some point before going home to Grandma.   He tolerated no disrespect to others.  He had a candy shop and chocolate factory that was the stuff of childhood dreams.  I loved taking my school classes on field trips to Grandpa's chocolate shop... he put Godiva to shame.  He taught me to jump on a trampoline, and was at everyone of my dance recitals.  When I got into a car accident, he sent me a box of Captain Crunch Cereal as a joke.  He loved black coffee and making Sunday breakfast for all his girls.  He called women toots or sweetie but not in a dirty old man sort of way, just in a throwback to another era.  He always said that you could face a problem laughing or crying and that he would much rather laugh at life than to sob his way through it.

He was just a really remarkable man and I am eternally grateful that he and his fairly new bride stepped up to adopt my mom and her siblings because my Grandpa blessed my life from it's beginning.  His legacy is a great one that lives on in the hearts of his many children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, but also in the lives of the people he employed, volunteered with, coached and lived life with.

Anticipation

I think anticipation is one of my favorite emotions.  I enjoy it most when I have found the "perfect" gift for someone.  I can hardly wait to give it to them because I just want to see their reaction.  I try and find things a month or so in advance to let the excitement build.  The second best form of anticipation is the kind I am feeling right now.  When you're waiting for a great time to start, a friend's visit or the start of a vacation, you sit on the edge of anticipation.

On Thursday my anticipation will be at the max, because Brenda will be arriving to spend a week visiting me! I met Brenda when I was 7.  She has been there for the majority of my life's ups and downs.  If you need to know anything about me, she could tell you the answer as readily as I could.  She is number 3 on my speed-dial.   She was the second call I made when I found out I won the scholarship to live in Germany.  She was the first call I made after things with J went down and for several years she was the only one I had told.  We can go weeks without talking because life is busy, but we always pick right up where we left off.  We always talk about not letting so much time pass... maybe one of these years we will actually make it happen!  

I really enjoy living in Nashville, but it's not always easy.  Since moving here in May of 2003 I have made some amazing friends, had some remarkable clients and have created a network that I can lean on when things are challenging.  It's just that I grew up with a TON of family (Mom was one of 7 and most of my Aunts and Uncles had at least 3 kids) around, I went to the same church the majority of my life and aside from 7 kids I graduated with the same people I started first grade with.  My Nashville friends like me for who I am now and who all my experiences have helped me to become, but my Minnesota people know how I became who I am now for the most part.   

One of the hardest things about my reality is that I am just not a part of their daily realities and the same could be said of them for me.  Sure, I miss all of them terribly, but it is rare that I call many of them when I've had a bad day because they can't really meet me to go for a walk or come over for dinner.  I sometimes wish I made it home  more often than I do, but my parents moved to the Dallas/Fort Worth area about a year after I moved to Nashville, so now when I have time off I head that way instead of going back to the cities.  When I went back in 2007 for my Grandpa's funeral, it had been nearly 5 years since my previous visit.  I went back for a weekend visit in 2008 and haven't been back since.  I do keep up with a great majority of the High School and Church crowd via facebook and I touch base with my two Grandmothers and other relatives with phone calls.  

Ya know you're friends really love you and rank among your "besties" when they're willing to drive 15 hours to spend a week celebrating your birthday with you!  I am so ready for the side aches, smile lines and tears that I know are going to be a daily reality for the week she is here.  I am not kidding we will spend 10 out of 12 hours in non-stop laughter.  Our time together is always filled with fun, making new memories, remembering old memories, lots of camera flashes and somehow always restores a bit of me I hadn't realized was lacking.  

So right now I am filled with anticipation...