Grace is when God gives us what we don't deserve.
Mercy is when He doesn't give us what we do deserve.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Not in my plans

I had this whole post planned out, but what I am about to say was NOT in my plans.

I don't get it.

In the last week I have been contacted by 3 (THREE) different guys that I was happy to leave in my past.  This isn't the first time they have just contacted me out of the blue either.

Two are guys that have been friends of mine for over 10 years now and we don't keep in contact terribly often, but in recent years communication has really dropped off.  In the past when they would call or email it was exciting to touch base again.  Now, I am glad to hear from them but really just wonder what they want and how long they'll be around before they drop off the face of the earth again.  The conclusion I have come to over the past couple of years is that some girl has made them feel badly and since I am so sweet they come to me to boost them back up and remind them how wonderful they are before they feel better and can move on to the next girl.  I am willing to admit I may be COMPLETELY off base, but that is just how I have been able to make sense of their actions.  "Boston" called me drunk to tell me that he was thinking of moving to Nashville.  "Chicago" sent me text messages to see how I was and to tell me has reached a point of clarity, wants to change the world and it's right up my ally... do I want to help him?

The guy that was my ex was ages ago and I felt a little bad about how things ended way back when.  Right before Christmas he was apparently at a friend's house while they were on Facebook.  He had his friend try to find one of our mutual friend's page since she was expecting a baby and he wanted to see if she had had the baby and posted pictures.  Instead he found my face smiling back beside a comment I had left for her.  He called her, got my contact information from her and then called me out of the blue.  That was thrilling.  I was very excited to catch back up with him and have a chance to make peace with our past.  We emailed, talked on the phone and he came to visit more than once, but then suddenly he just dropped off the face of the earth.  I was a little confused but since so many years had passed after our real connection and we hadn't had much time to reconnect I just brushed it off.  Okay, that's a bit of a stretch, I was confused and I did have some moments of self-doubt... but I quickly came to a conclusion that it wasn't about me.  It was his poor manners, his bad behavior and I deserve so much more than that type of behavior.  He just emailed me.

Okay the thing I REALLY don't get is that they all seem to come and go at the same time.  I mean, it can be 3 months or 9 months.  Now, none of them know each other and it is rare that they all contact me on the same day, but it isn't long after one shows up that the others come creeping back too.  Is it something in the water?  Does it have something to do with full moons?  Really, it stumps me.  I just don't get it and I struggle with why they just keep coming back to me.

I am also struggling with how to cut this off because there just isn't much a friendship left anymore.  There are great memories of how close I was to each of them, but now they are no longer a part of my reality.  While they may still get something out of the relationship, I really don't.  When I need a friend I don't think to reach out to any of them because odds are I'll be met with radio silence.  Closing the door on a friendship is never easy, but I do think at times it is required.  There are times when the relationship needs to come to a close but I struggle to do it.  I hate to walk away from people and while I may know it is time I certainly don't do it with any sort of ease.

Have you had to walk away from someone recently?  How did you do it?  Would you do anything differently?

1 comment:

  1. What would you say to a friend? The only advice I have is to Pray for them. You may not want to at first but the more you do it, the easier it will get. Also stop replying to them. Pray about that as well and it will come together. They will find something else to focus on and so will you