Girl dating God

I had it all planned out.  I was going to go on these 30 dates with God and blog all about it.  I couldn't wait to get started and I didn't.  I went on that first date right when I said I would and it was GLORIOUS!  We didn't go to Starbucks as I intended but went to Le Peep for breakfast instead.  I'm sure you know what they say about telling God your plans...  it's true, none of this has gone at all the way I thought it would!  It has been so much better.  That first morning (and most times since) I spent way more time sitting there absorbing all he wanted to tell me.  Lots of what I read I already knew on a level, but this time my heart was invested in a different way and so some truths I had previously read sunk into my heart in a whole new way. I was so excited to have this time alone with Him all I wanted was more time with Him.  Sadly, Bren came to town (which was great, don't get me wrong) and so I had to postpone the next date.  I did feel God with us in several moments and I am aware enough to know that in a dating relationship you go out with friends, but these 30 dates need to be just Him and I.  It needs to be about me aligning my heart with his and connecting with him, so as much as I felt him during that time, I will not count them.  

One of the first things God revealed to me was how sacred this time between us is.  It's not to say that I won't share some of the truths He is making me aware of, but I will respect Him (and this relationship I am growing with Him) enough not to put every moment of our time together on blast.  I can't imagine dating a guy and putting all of the intimate and private moments out for mass consumption.  Sure, to share parts of it or lessons learned is one thing or to talk about a situation with the other person's knowledge and consent is fine, but not every private conversation or sweet moment needs to be revealed.  Some things are just for the two people involved.  I will say I am in awe of the things He is doing during this time.  All the little ways He sends me "love notes" or speaks to my heart have been overwhelming.  It is much like a new romance in that the more time I spend with Him, the more time I want to be with Him.  

This morning God did something really remarkable.  He sang to me!  Ok, so he used Billy Joel to do the actual work, but I know it was for me and from Him.  Just a little love note from Heaven that answered a question I had yet to even really voice.  The last few days I have been re-reading Captivating to remind myself of all the amazing lessons inside and to re-read the notes I made a few years back.  There has been some great growth and some very neglected areas that needed the refresher course I have been on.  Last night after group I was getting ready for bed and I decided to check my alarm.  Now you need to know, I NEVER TOUCH THE DIAL.  I had the worst time getting a station to come in clearly when I moved here.  If I had reception while laying in bed it would be static while I was standing or the reverse.  I found some obscure station out of Bowling Green that came in clearly and didn't play country music so that is where the dial has been ever since.  Just to make sure that I will wake up when my alarm is on radio I hit the snooze to assure myself music and not static comes through.  Last night, it was nothing but garbled static that faded in and out.  I was annoyed but grateful I had checked.  I fiddled around for a bit going from one end of the dial to the other twice before I got a clear station and went to bed.  

This morning I woke up about an hour before my alarm.  Instead of rolling over and trying to fall back asleep (like I usually would) I decided to journal.  It was just a private letter to God thanking Him for all He has recently revealed to me and all the many ways He has made His heart known to mine.  It felt as if we were sharing this beautiful moment still laying in bed, but I was pouring my heart out letting God know how much I loved Him and loved where this whole 30 dates thing was going.  Suddenly, in a mental conversational lull, my "alarm" came on and there were no words.  It was the first cords of the song, starting out soft and quiet before I knew it God was talking right to my heart:

She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her

She's got a way of pleasin'
I don't know why it is
But there doesn't have to be a reason
Anyway

She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know what it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me

She's got a way of talkin'
I don't know what it is
But it lifts me up when we are walkin'
Anywhere

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me and I get turned around

She's got a way of showin'
How I make her feel
And I find the strength to keep on goin'

She's got a light around her
And everywhere she goes
A million dreams of love surround her
Everywhere

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me and I get turned around

She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know what it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me

She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her
Anyway

I honestly believe that there is a hole in my soul that nothing other than God can fill.  I'm also starting to believe the reverse is true and it has been something I have been thinking about a lot.  Is there a me shaped hole in God?  If we are all made in God's image, then is it fair to say that by not letting my beauty shine, I am denying others the fullness of knowing God through me?  By letting past hurts keep my walls up am I blocking the path others may have had to seeing and knowing God through me and my heart?  He LOVES me in a way I struggle to fully understand.  He knows me, all of my thoughts, all of my actions, all of my fears and resentments.  He knows the wounds that have been inflicted on me and the ones inflicted by me.  Yet,  He finds me beautiful, wonderful, delightful and intriguing.  He may know all about me and the plans He has for me, but He longs to hear me give voice to those thoughts, hopes, and desires.  Not as a prayer or pleading with Him to make something happen, but as a conversation laying all of my soul bare to Him.  He knows it, but He wants me to want to tell Him about it.  He answered a question I had tonight in a few lines of the song He sang to my heart this morning.   

Right up there is the answer to something I asked him in the quiet stillness of my heart.  

Something I barely gave voice to.

The best part is, He answered before I asked to prove how much He knows me and how He loves me.  He knows my questions, my doubts and my fears before I ever give voice to them.  Just like He knows my hopes, dreams and the desires of my heart before I give voice to them.  He still wants me to WANT to go to Him and tell Him all about them.  Now this is not a new revelation.  I have loved God and known I was loved by God,but the truths He is revealing and the way He is doing it on these dates is simply amazing to me.  The gentle reminders are refreshers to past truths I discovered before He takes me to a deeper level to revel it more fully in a way I can now understand that I wasn't able seen before.